Toddler Not Tiara

I entered Taylor in her first beauty pageant last weekend and it was a disaster. She and the dress were absolutely stunning (forgot the stupid camera so no pictures) but she hated it. She liked being on stage, actually screamed when I took her off but all she wanted to do was stand there and let everyone admire her. No cute smiles (because she refused to take her paci out), no hopping around like usual, she just ran to the end of the stage gave the Judges eat crap and die looks and stood there. Needlesss to say we will not be doing another pageant, well not until she gets older and says she want to do one.

Will I Fail

Lately I have been down in the dumps. Life right now is a bit hectic with us moving and combining offices at work but usually I handle everything fine. I went to the doctor this past Friday to see if he could put me on something to help me handle life a little bit better. I am usually STRONGLY against any types of medicine but I was literally having minor panic attacks multiple times each day. After a long talk with him, my family doctor is amazing he has known me my whole life and is not just a doctor but a friend and generally cares about me as a person, I realized that the main reason I am having such a problem is I feel like I am losing myself. Don't get me wrong I adore my children and love being a mother but for the last 12 years work has been my confidence builder. Whether it was score keeping in high school, working in Probate Court for my intern ship or my job as the head Legal Clerk for the Judge that I work for now, I have worked for as long as I can remember.


When David was born I was working as a paralegal for a corporate litigant attorney and I hated it. I was working 13 hour days then going home to a newborn who was barely sleeping through the night, to say the least it was a difficult time. After discussion with my husband I decided to quit and stay at home with our son. I hated being a stay at home mom. I know that sound absolutely awful but I am not stay at home mom material I like the interaction that I get from people at my job I enjoy having deadlines and making sure goals are met.


In less then 3 months I will again be a stay at home mom and it is honestly scaring the crap out of me. I don't mind being David and Taylor's mom but I get gratification out of my work. I am good at my job, really good at it. While I may not always have confidence in my parenting ability I am confident in what I do at work. I guess my biggest fear is that I am about to embark on one of the biggest jobs in my life as a stay at home mom and I am scared that I wont make the cut. I know my kids and husband will love me no matter what and I am pretty sure I will not scar my kids for life, but what if I fail?

This Crazy Life

My life right now is chaotic to say the least. We are moving 700 miles away from our friends and family for my husband's job. I am struggling big time at home and at work. Yesterday we put our house on the market and I think I cried inside the whole day. See we worked saving and paying off all of our debt, that we were stupid enough to make in college, for two years. We lived with my parents the first two years of my sons life to be able to afford this house. We searched for six months to find this house, our perfect house for our little family. My daughter was brought home to this house after being in the NICU for a week. I have cried in this house for lost family members. I have watched my toddler grow into a pre-schooler and learn to play on his swing set in this house. I know it is just a house and no matter where we are it will be home as long as I have my husband and our babies, but this was our beginning. Right now it just feels a bit overwhelming.

Crazy Life

In a months time we have:

Bought a new car


Gone to Vegas


Had a First Birthday


And could possible be moving here


Needless to say this month has been a little overwhelming!!

Day's Adventures

David has a vast imagination, he is always thinking up a new game to play or being a pretend character. Right now he is spiderman, when he is not jumping off the furniture pretending to shoot webs, he is making his spiderman hideouts. I love this age well except for the whole talking back phase we are going through. Seeing him grow into a little man makes a mommy proud. I don't know where he gets his imagination from I am crafty but my imagination has never been a detailed as his. We are going to the beach next week for my work and have some fun adventures planned for him, I can't wait to write about what he thinks about Alligator Adventure or to see if he will now be an alligator instead of spiderman.






Today while getting all the clothes washed so I could start packing this is what I walked out the room to see.

I NEED SLEEP

I try really hard not to complain about being tired and sleep deprived, but this week oh this week. A recap of the last three days have included Tay being up at 2:30 am on Monday, 3:30 am on Tuesday and 4:00 am today, while I don't envy SAHM at all and after staying home a lot here recently I know how hard your jobs are this week I wish I was one. I would have given anything to be able to take a nap in the middle of the day when the kids do. Having no sleep at night and then having to get up drive an hour each way and work with the public for 8 hours has been extremely trying this week. I am usually very calm at work even with the most difficult people but this week my temper has been on a short fuse and at times I have caught myself raising my voice or saying things that are completely out of the norm for me. I know I will look back on these days when I am waiting up for my two little rugrats and wish I could be this exhausted again from holding a baby at night instead of worrying about them on the road driving, but right now in this day and time I am TIRED! That is it for now, hopefully I will get some sleep in the near future so maybe writing a coherent thought will be more feasible but right now all I have is blabber....

Mommy Feather Blogging

I am by no means a writer and the only reason I have started  this blog is because I stink at baby books and I don't want to forget any minute of these wonderful yet stressful days with my babies. Life right now is like a roller coaster one that I know will end way too soon but while you are on it you forget to take the time to enjoy it. I want to remember all the "first" with both Taylor and David and unless I write it down I am afraid I will forget. Life is so complicated on days that I want them to grow up but in the early mornings when I am holding and rocking my baby girl and then my little man wakes to come join us I cherish the now instead of looking forward to when I can get those extra couple hours of sleep or when I can go to the bathroom uninterrupted (for those of you moms out there will young kids you will totally understand this). This time in my life will pass unfortunately I am not sure I want it to pass, so for right now I may not get to work out as much as I would like or have "me" time but I am loving being a mom to these two small little ones that make my days so full!!

My angels!!